Here’s the full recap for episode 14, In The Relam Of The Basses, of Gossip Girl season 2. Recap courtesy of Buddy TV:
Spotted: Serena van der Woodsen (Blake Lively) jetting off to Buenos Aires with new beau Aaron Rose, who has about as much charisma as he does mustache. Maybe he’ll find a little of both in South America. Before Bart Bass is cold in the ground, Rufus (Matthew Settle) and Lily (Kelly Rutherford) wasting no time making plans to finally reunite… until Rufus finds out that Lily had his secret love child—and, not feeling too lovely about it, confronts her with a “Boy or girl?”
While Serena tangos in the New Year in Beunos Aires, Jenny (Taylor Momsen) has decided to head back to high school. It’s the first day of classes, and Jenny and Eric walk together. Jenny tells him how relieved she is to feel 15 again. Eric tells her that Chuck (Ed Westwick) is still MIA, but Bart’s brother, Uncle Jack, is all over the world looking for him. It’s like a real life game of “Where In The World is Carmen Sandiego?”
Rufus has been gone for two weeks, and greets Dan (Penn Badgley) with a cover story that he’s been looking for a painter. We know differently. Ever the good daddy, Rufus offers to walk Dan to school. Dan agrees, if there are no hugs.
Dorota and Blair (Leighton Meester) are busy reveling in Blair’s next scheme: she’s hosting a party for the Colony Club, an exclusive Upper Eastsider women’s group. The Selection Committee is coming, and Blair wants everything to be perfect. B can’t wait to start the New Year in a new life without Chuck—until Jack texts her saying that he’s bagged the Bass, and B goes off running to meet him.
Back with Eric and Jenny, they see Nelly on the steps, where Penelope and her lackeys show up and threaten to punish Nelly for not bringing their Starbucks. Looks like Nelly’s the new old Jenny Humphrey. Nelly says she can’t defect from the group because they’d make her life hell, and runs off to do the girls’ bidding.
Blair and Dorota meet Jack at his limo. Turns out he found Chuck in Bangkok. Jack drags C out in a very unconscious state and drags him inside. Was this stupor self-induced, or did Jack have to tranquilize C to get him back? Either way, he doesn’t look good. Or smell good either, according to Blair.
Rufus drops Dan off at school, and takes a call Child Services. Turns out he was in Boston for the last two weeks looking for his love child. With no luck. If he wants to know where the kid is, he’ll have to talk to Lily.
Serena and Dan meet in the hallway, and S tells him that she broke up with Aaron three hours into their 15-hour flight to Argentina. (FINALLY!) S knows the “why” is so obvious that she doesn’t even get into it. Lily sent S an email saying that she and Rufus would never be together, so S decided she wanted to be with Dan. Lonely Boy wholeheartedly agrees, and they rekindle with a kiss. “Who knows, maybe third time’s a charm,” GG tells us. “But let’s not break out the bubbly just yet.”
S and B reunite with a hug, and Blair spills that she used the “L” word on Chuck and wishes she hadn’t. Dan comes up from behind, and Blair walks off, threatening to vomit when she sees that he and S are back together. Dan suggests the two of them play a little hooky. On the first day of classes, no less.
Lily goes to the gallery to see Rufus, who demands to know where his child is. Lily lets a male pronoun slip out, but won’t budge on the other details. Rufus declares that he’s a dad, it’s what he does. And now that he knows he has a son, Rufus resolves to find him without Lily’s help. Lily insists that the boy deserves his own life without them.
Meanwhile, Little J and Eric watch as Penelope forces Nelly to buff her yellow pump. J politely steps in and asks for a little humanity, but Penelope, unable to oblige, doesn’t back down. J and E steal Nelly away before P makes her lick the shoe, and the feud is officially on.
Chuck shows up to school having missed all his classes, and B finds him smoking a joint in the middle of the hallway. He’s either so detached or drugged out that he won’t look her in the eye. B forces him to, and doesn’t like what she sees, asking “Who are you?” The head mistress shows up to the stench of hash before he can answer.
S and D are in the mid-stages of undress at Dan’s place when Rufus walks in and forces Serena to leave. D is pissed. As S walks out, Rufus tells Dan that dating S again is a mistake. Now D is really pissed, and storms out after her.
Back at school, B decides to represent C to the head mistress, because he’s in no state to do so himself. As the hearing starts, Uncle Jack shows up to help out. B defends C, saying he’s been through an ordeal and is a victim of temporary insanity. Head mistress asks C to promise that it will never happen again. He replies by taking out another joint and walking out. “So what kind of suspension are we talking about?” says Jack.
The next morning, the Humphrey men aren’t speaking. Little J is confused by the silence, but can’t get any info out of either of them.
At school, the girls hold a trial for Nelly’s freedom, with J playing the prosecution. Penelope defends, saying that terror is their tradition, and one girl quitting will cause a full mutiny in the ranks. Judge Blair cuts them both off with a big “Who Cares?” and says she’s grown out of this. Confused, the P and her gang regroup, and P talks about sending Nelly home in a body bag. This new queen is a bit too crazy, even after Blair.
S consoles B, saying the weed incident is just a normal Chuck move. No, Blair says, this time it’s different. When she looked in his eyes, she couldn’t see Chuck anymore.
Little J, Eric, and Nelly are sitting at Penelope’s table. P, Hazel, and Isabel show up, not too pleased. The heroes hold their ground as the rush comes in, and all the tables begin to fill. Out of options, P calls her daddy and tattles, saying there’s “ a girl bullying” her.
B knows where to find Chuck, and sure enough, he’s sandwiched between two skanks at Victrola, which he’s bought back for a high price. C says he’s hosting a party at the club tonight. B begs him to stop this madness, that it isn’t him. C says Bart was the only one who saw him for what he was, and it’s time for B to let go of her fantasies about him. C dismisses her with the same unsettling detachment as before.
D comes home to snoop around for evidence of whatever Rufus is keeping from him. He finds a map of Boston with adoption agencies marked. D calls one of the numbers, and the light bulb above his head seems to flicker for a brief second. But only for a second.
B comes home to cry over Chuck for about 10 seconds before her party starts. She’s back to normal by the time the parade of old women in pastel argyle sweaters show up to grill her for club admissions. She’d rather create a new life with these women than let Chuck destroy her, B tells S. It’s survival.
Jenny rants about being called a bully to the head mistress, which causes Nelly to spill that Penelope is sleeping with her lawyer dad’s junior partner. J’s eyes are a-twinkle: it’s exploitation time!
Dan confronts Rufus about the map, but Rufus brushes him off, and Dan storms out to find Chuck, whom he knows has the truth about this big secret that he just can’t seem to piece together, even with the overwhelming evidence in front of him.
C’s burlesque extravaganza is in full swing. Dan shows up, and even in his altered state, Chuck is able to use the words “hoi polloi” and “Dickensian” against Lonely Boy, before finally telling him that he’s not the first-born Humphrey. Guess that’s a wrap for you and Serena, Chuck tells Dan. “Sharing a sibling is a bit much, even for me.”
Meanwhile, B is doing her best to impress, when the ladies of the Colony Club start to grill her about Serena, Chuck, Bart, and all her other unsavory acquaintances. B starts to throw her friends under the bus, and then stops. B stands up, says Chuck needs her, and scolds the women for being more childish than high schoolers. Way to go, B!
Back at Victrola, Chuck is seeing the room in a slo-mo haze, and Jenny’s gotten Nelly to spill the beans about Hazel and Isabel, and threatens to send it all to Gossip Girl if they don’t let go of Nelly. P relinquishes her throne to J, who now finds out she’s just won queen. J doesn’t want queen, so P takes it back—and takes Nelly too, who was just riding Jenny’s coat tails, hoping for a new master. When Nelly realizes P is her only key to attending the upcoming collegiate party, she rushes back to lowly serfdom.
Rufus tells Lily that he wants to hate her, but doesn’t, and promises that her kids won’t either. Lily says giving up her son has been a hole in her life, and agrees to help Rufus find him.
B runs over to the club and runs into Uncle Jack. They rush up to the roof, where they find drunk Chuck, leaning over the ledge, looking ready to jump. They try to talk him down, but C says his father never wanted him, and yells “I’m Chuck Bass! No one cares.”
“I do.” Blair says, “I’ll always be here.” She convinces him to come down, if not for himself, then for her. C takes her hand and gets off the ledge. They embrace, and C apologizes.
Rufus calls Dan and asks him not to tell Serena about their long lost son, whom they are going to look for right now. It’s Lily’s secret to tell. Dan reluctantly agrees.
As the episode ends, Jack takes C home with him, saying he’ll have a better chance of keeping C around than anyone else. “He can’t know what happened on New Years,” Blair tells Jack as they leave. Uh oh. We knew this Uncle wasn’t so charismatic for no reason. Sounds like Blair’s New Years kiss was anything but innocent.
Lily and Rufus get into a car, off to search for their son, and Gossip Girl reminds us, “The past is always with us, just waiting to mess with the present.”
